[ It's kind of silly. Noctis knows, logically, that he shouldn't feel so nervous, but it's difficult to shake the sensation. His stomach is in knots, a churning sea of emotions threatening to pull him under, but Gladio's hand helps keep him safely tethered to the dock. He exhales shakily, focusing on that familiar warmth seeping into his skin. Gladio always ran hot in direct contrast to how chilly Noctis is. When he was little, he thought it was on purpose somehow. The thought shakes loose a soft noise in amusement from him, just a small snort, but when he looks at Gladio now, his eyes are sparkling. ]
We better. Took us long enough. [ There's still nervousness there, of course. It helps to hear Gladio is scared, too, and when he admits it, Noctis feels a warmth spread through his chest. He scoots closer until their hips are pressed together, which honestly helps his nerves, too. ]
I'm scared too. [ He inhales sharply, gaze dropping to stare at their hands. ] It's — hard. The things I really want always felt ... [ A beat. ] Selfish? I could never have anything that was mine. Everything else had to come first. [ Duty to his people above all. Noctis still feels that way, but he knows Gladio understands. He's always understood.
After a moment, he adds haltingly: ] But I'm happy. Really happy. And that feels weird too. [ When was the last time he felt that way? Is he even allowed to? It's a question he's been circling for a while. ]
[ A laugh bubbles up, bright and warm, and it takes some of the age that's etched into his face until he's just a young man and not the last barrier between the rest of the world and the person who was his entire world. Gladio presses back against Noct's hip, gentle and reassuring, but it's more than that too. It's an answer, it's a promise, that no matter what happens, he'll always be right there. ]
I know. [ Gladio holds Noct's hands between both of his own. It's hard, feeling uncertain, because it's always been his role to be the foundation that keeps Noct steady, to be certain when the other isn't. But he feels grounded like this, those hands in his, steadying and protective. ] There's still that voice in the back of my head, sounds a lot like my father, that's telling me I should pour all this into my duty because it's not mine to have. For a long time, I believed it. Had to.
[ He remembers the day his father had pulled him aside, instilling in him the need to bottle up all those feelings, the ones he has and the ones that he might develop in the future, because they're only going to get in the way. Gladio always wanted to be good enough in that man's eyes, so he did it, boxed up all the complicated things he felt and tucked them away. ]
Being the Shield meant putting everything else second, he told me. [ Duty to his King first, above himself, his family, all the people in the kingdom who looked to Noct to lead them. Gladio's focus has always been here. ]
Me too. Happy isn't something I thought I'd really feel, but I do. Here. [ Gladio squeezes Noct's hands. ] We've still got all those burdens on our shoulders, nothing's taking that away, but we can have this, too. I want to find out what that's like.
[ Noctis understands, intrinsically, what Gladio means about his father. Still, he says nothing, just listening with a quiet, contemplative look, absorbing those words and realizing what he needs to do about it. ] Can you promise me something? [ He knows Gladio will agree, but it needs to be an explicit agreement between them — not something assumed. Noctis is really tired of assumptions, something he's more than guilty of.
Starting at their entwined hands for a moment, he flicks his gaze back up to look at him with clear blue eyes. ] I need you to tell me if I ever overstep or make you feel uncomfortable, alright? We can't just ... untangle all this overnight. We gotta do this together.
[ He knows it's a tall order. Both of them are so used to their roles, each step meticulously preplanned and laid out for them. More than once, Regis had impressed upon his son just how much power he held over those serving him, and he's highly aware of the fact that this could go very, very badly if he isn't careful.
But Noctis is hopeful they can figure this out. And when he hears that Gladio is happy too, he can't help but smile. ] You can find out right now, [ he shoots back, teasing, that smile sliding into a smirk. It's ruined by the fact that he looks happier than he's ever felt, a brightness in his eyes he isn't aware is there, persistent and sparkling. ]
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We better. Took us long enough. [ There's still nervousness there, of course. It helps to hear Gladio is scared, too, and when he admits it, Noctis feels a warmth spread through his chest. He scoots closer until their hips are pressed together, which honestly helps his nerves, too. ]
I'm scared too. [ He inhales sharply, gaze dropping to stare at their hands. ] It's — hard. The things I really want always felt ... [ A beat. ] Selfish? I could never have anything that was mine. Everything else had to come first. [ Duty to his people above all. Noctis still feels that way, but he knows Gladio understands. He's always understood.
After a moment, he adds haltingly: ] But I'm happy. Really happy. And that feels weird too. [ When was the last time he felt that way? Is he even allowed to? It's a question he's been circling for a while. ]
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I know. [ Gladio holds Noct's hands between both of his own. It's hard, feeling uncertain, because it's always been his role to be the foundation that keeps Noct steady, to be certain when the other isn't. But he feels grounded like this, those hands in his, steadying and protective. ] There's still that voice in the back of my head, sounds a lot like my father, that's telling me I should pour all this into my duty because it's not mine to have. For a long time, I believed it. Had to.
[ He remembers the day his father had pulled him aside, instilling in him the need to bottle up all those feelings, the ones he has and the ones that he might develop in the future, because they're only going to get in the way. Gladio always wanted to be good enough in that man's eyes, so he did it, boxed up all the complicated things he felt and tucked them away. ]
Being the Shield meant putting everything else second, he told me. [ Duty to his King first, above himself, his family, all the people in the kingdom who looked to Noct to lead them. Gladio's focus has always been here. ]
Me too. Happy isn't something I thought I'd really feel, but I do. Here. [ Gladio squeezes Noct's hands. ] We've still got all those burdens on our shoulders, nothing's taking that away, but we can have this, too. I want to find out what that's like.
no subject
Starting at their entwined hands for a moment, he flicks his gaze back up to look at him with clear blue eyes. ] I need you to tell me if I ever overstep or make you feel uncomfortable, alright? We can't just ... untangle all this overnight. We gotta do this together.
[ He knows it's a tall order. Both of them are so used to their roles, each step meticulously preplanned and laid out for them. More than once, Regis had impressed upon his son just how much power he held over those serving him, and he's highly aware of the fact that this could go very, very badly if he isn't careful.
But Noctis is hopeful they can figure this out. And when he hears that Gladio is happy too, he can't help but smile. ] You can find out right now, [ he shoots back, teasing, that smile sliding into a smirk. It's ruined by the fact that he looks happier than he's ever felt, a brightness in his eyes he isn't aware is there, persistent and sparkling. ]